How Many Kids Are You Going To Have?

We have been asked that question more times than we can remember. It's a valid question. We forget sometimes that the average American only has 2.5 kids, so it must get people wondering just how many we plan to have. Not only that, but the close ages of our kids is unusual as well.

Well, Reg and I decided to tell everyone the truth, that way there's no more wondering. The best answer we can give you is: We don't know. That's an honest answer. However, a bit more information is probably warranted.

To be blunt, Regina and I have never really felt comfortable with birth control. We began our marriage not using it (hence Sean's birth 9 months later), and haven't used it since. We couldn't shake the feeling that we were taking the control out of God's hands. Our plan was to have as many kids as we wanted, and let God plan when they came. Then we could stop.

Nevertheless, we kept getting this nagging feeling that we were still trying to control things ourselves, instead of leaving it up to God. Still, we ignored it. I mean, how many people do you know that have more than three or four kids? Large families are just rare today.

Then we stumbled on it. At first it seemed stupid, but the more we thought about it, the more it just seemed to make sense, and the more God chipped away at our stubborness. We don't like to lump ourselves into some defined group, but the closest thing to our philosophy would be the "quiver full" movement. If you'd like to read more about it, you can find it on Wikipedia. The term comes from Psalms 127:3-5:

"Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."

The basic premise is that children are a blessing. The Bible makes no distinction between the blessing of children and other God-given blessings (money, prosperity, health, etc). Most people would absolutely agree that their children are blessings from God. The difference is the way we perceive those blessings. We kept asking ourselves: "If children are blessings, why would we actively move to limit those blessings? Would we ask God to stop giving us health, money, or prosperity? Absolutely not. So if children are blessings, why should we want to stop having them?"

Not only that, but the Bible is also very explicit about the fact that God is the sole authority on opening and closing the womb. There are plenty of examples. So if God knows when to give people children and when not to, why am I acting as if I know better than He does? Some people who are "quiver full" think they should have as many babies as possible before their fertile years are over. We are not inclined to that. We feel that is again trying to take control of something that God already has a plan for. We would rather just let Him decide when and how many we have.

Now there are some sticking points in this whole thing. First, there are people who are loving, devoted, godly Christians who just can't seem to get pregnant. We are not going to judge those situations. Is God closing the womb due to some undealt with sin? Is it just not time for them to bear children yet? Does he have some other purpose for them (missionary work or adoption)? These are questions that can only be answered in earnest prayer on their part. Secondly, there are women who literally take thier lives into their own hands by getting pregnant. I've met them. Doctors tell them it is extremely dangerous to have children because of some ailment or condition. Should they continue to let themselves get pregnant? Again, I can not answer that. I think only God can speak to each individual couple.

Lastly, do we realize just how many children we could have if we don't use birth control? I can answer that one. Yes, we realize, and if you don't think it scares us, you're dead wrong. It scares us. Can we handle it? Can we afford it? We don't know. What we do know is that God is in control of everything, and the Bible is very clear that He takes care of His children. I can't believe that He would give us children without giving us the money to feed and clothe them, or the strength to organize, care for, and raise them. It is an enormous responsibility, and can be frightening, but we have complete trust in the Lord and that He knows what He is doing. We are reminded that up until about 80 years ago, there was no such thing as birth control (other than abstinence). People didn't have a choice other than to trust God, and their circumstances could have been far worse than ours today.

Another step we will not take is to become legalistic about this. This is how God has spoken to our family, and I would never imply that others sin or displease God by not having a large family. If you are earnestly seeking His will and leaving your heart open to His leading, He will guide you where He wants you to go. That's all we can do as believers, and this is where He has led us.

This whole thing is quite unnerving and uncertain to us, but that's a pretty good indication to us that it is from God. The more we turn our lives over to Him the more we find Him leading us down paths we never even thought of before, and the more peace He gives us that He is in control. It's a matter of faith, I suppose. We have recently met some Christian families with the same philosophy as ours, and that is extremely encouraging. They are wonderful, happy families, and we have already learned so much from their faith and experience.

Anyway, that's our family's philosophy. I don't expect everyone to understand or agree, but we felt we might as well let you know where we're coming from.